Warning: may seem like too much complaining

Just thought I'd warn you that this is really not going to be a happy go lucky post if you know what I mean. It's almost been a month since my last entry and so much has happened since then. I just feel like I've been on this never ending emotional roller coaster lately. Things have just gotten so crazy w/ the girls. I always thought the older they got the easier it would get. Sibling Rivalry has kicked in - full force. One minute they are playing so nice together and the next - you'd think someone was killing Abby. OMG - she just starts screaming and crying and whining if Emma does something to her or just won't give her something. It takes so much to just calm her down. And of course, Emma will run in hide before I get in the room (I think she knows she did something wrong). I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried the naughty mat and well, then I get to listen to her cry for the entire 4 minutes of that. That 4 minutes seems to last an eternity! And I'll ask her to apologize to Abby and she will but is laughing the whole time - she just doesn't feel any remorse for hurting her sister. I'm having a really hard time dealing w/ her. I thought the terrible two's were bad. I didn't imagine she could get this way. And of course to make matters worse, my car died. Granted, we had it for 12 years - it was only a matter of time. Rob drove it to work everyday and let me have the newer one. So, my little 1995 Toyota Tercel is gone. Rob gave it to his sister's boyfriend. He owns a junk yard. And I was alright w/ it - signed the title over and all but then I found out that would could have gotten a couple hundred bucks for it from some other junk yard. Hello? What were you thinking? He wanted to help him out - well, according to what I've heard out of his sister's mouth, He really has a ton of $$$$, so he really didn't need our help! I think Rob figured that we would have had to pay someone to take the car away and this way if we gave it to Kerry (the boyfriend), it was free of charge to dispose of it. Well, now he'll make some $$$ off of it selling the parts that still work. And we're out of luck w/ no down payment for another vehicle!!!!! Rob wants to take $$$ out of his retirement so he can buy a truck. I'm a little nervous about that - when tax season comes around, how much are we gonna have to pay in for that?!!!!! Thankfully the RAV is paid off. We used our tax returns to pay that off. It was nice not having a car payment for a whole month, lol. Now, once Rob buys a truck we'll have to start dishing out some dough for that. He needs a truck. He needs one soon!!!! I'm starting to get really depressed being stranded home w/ the girls. They were just getting used to going out so much. That's what the real bummer is. Not being able to take them anywhere. And well, we haven't brought over the play cottage and sand box from my Mom's yet so there's really nothing to do around here besides blow bubbles or draw w/ chalk on the driveway. I really wish the driveway was safer so they could ride their bikes. It's just way to dangerous. There's too much of a slope and my fear is they'll end up in the ditch that's right in front of the fence to the neighbors yard. I really needed to let all of this out. I know I go through this every couple of months where I start feeling really sorry for myself and I don't feel good enough. I feel like I'm not a good mother or wife. I feel like all of my relationships are suffering. My friends disappear and I don't know why. It's pretty pathetic. Then I have my sister-in-law that thinks she's super Mom and is always giving me unwelcome advice. Listen lady - if I wanted your advice I would have asked for it. And you're the last person I want advice from. If I wanted to be like you, I'd just dump my kids off at my Mom's all the time so I didn't have to deal w/ them (like you do!). Sorry, had to let that one out. Any chance she gets - she dumps her oldest on my Mother. He's sleeping over there already. My Mom is getting a little too old for babysitting her kids all the time. She takes my nephew for supper (the older one), she takes the younger one so my brother can pick up the other son at pre-school - cuz god like he can't take his kid w/ him to pick up his big brother? Oh, but I'm the one who needs to just suck it up and bring my kids places by myself. Yeah, that's pretty much how she put it. But, maybe I'll just be like you and work two jobs to get away from my kids - or so that's what my brother says you do. So, pretty much I've avoided her lately. Unfortunately, I had to see her at my parents house on Father's Day. The morning was really nice and I was hoping the rest of the day would be just as nice but Rob got real quiet and aloof while we went to visit my Dad. His Mom & StepDad were at the Cape for the weekend so we couldn't go visit them. I don't know if he was mad that we were at my parents' house but this is how we spent Mother's Day remember? We make the rounds - so why would you think Father's Day would be different? He didn't actually say anything but then I got to thinking maybe he was just kind of down because his Father died when he was 7 yrs. old. It wasn't under good circumstances of any kind either. Not that death ever is but his Father took his own life. I know it would always be a sore subject but it seems this year it's coming up way too often. And not by choice. My cousin graduated from High School and his party was a day before the girls bday party. Well, it just so happened, that it was held at the place they found Rob's Father. Needless, to say He wasn't going to that party. My cousin understood and she felt bad - she wished she would have known before she planned her son's party but seriously, it's not something you really go around telling people. Kwim? So, I didn't even leave the invite on the fridge - I didn't want it to remind him of it every day. I was going to go w/ the girls but Abby was sick and was still a little sick for her own party. She was pretty clingy but their party went well. We had face painting for the kids and a pinata. The girls got a ton of new clothes, toys, and gift cards. I pretty much didn't have to worry about clothes for the summer anymore. That was a relief. Oh and before I forget, remember the psycho ex of my husband Rob? Yeah, well, she's at it again. This time, it was a phone call. Thankfully I didn't recognize the cell # so I didn't answer it but seriously lady - do you think I really care about what pictures your daughter puts on her myspace?!!!! If you want her to degrade herself like that (and at 14yrs old I might add) then that's your life not mine. Let's remember that I've been out of High School for 12 yrs. now and I really don't need this drama in my life. I'm seriously thinking of getting my phone # changed now. Like I need her calling here. Come to find out my sister-in-law blamed the whole incident on me (how else would my name have come up?). Whatever, if it helps you sleep better at night to blame things on me then be my guest. I'm not losing sleep over it. We all know who showed the pics to her auntie and who got her in trouble. I'm not even her friend on the myspace and her page is set to private so how exactly would I email pictures of her to her aunt? Drama..... Some people really need to get a life.

Wow, I really had a lot to say, huh? See what happens when I don't get any computer time anymore. Not to mention - it's taken me about an hour to type all this because of all the interruptions from the kiddos. They really hate me being on the computer - well unless it's for their webkinz pets. That's the only thing I'm allowed to play in front of them. Ha, ha! Now, that I've gotten all that off my chest and seriously, if you actually read all that - Bravo to you! Thanks for listening and hopefully next time I post I'll have something happy to talk about. I guess I just need to get rid of the trash in my life and it'll stop stinking? Yeah, someone I know has that as a quote and it always made me laugh. So true though, don'tcha think?